I saw a YouTube video recently that elicited a chuckle. A dad had attached wheels to his baby's booster seat, then hitched it to the back of a remote-controlled truck. As Dad was controlling the truck, the baby was laughing hysterically as it was towed around the driveway.
Anytime you have a cute baby laughing, it makes for a worthy minute-and-a-half watch on YouTube. My only problem (besides the obvious safety concerns) was the video's title: "What happens when Dad babysits."
Do a Google search for that phrase and you'll discover all kinds of humorous videos and images of what "silly old dad" does when left alone with the kids : T he baby is drinking beer, the baby is napping in a tackle box, the baby is duct-taped to the wall...
OK, these are meant to be funny. I get it. But they play into an unfortunate stereotype of the modern-day father. Leaving aside the implication that Dad is too incompetent to be left alone with the kids, the main problem with all these "What happens when Dad babysits" gags is that Dad is not the babysitter.
Dads who are reading this, please pay attention. You can never babysit your own children. They are your children. You can parent them. You can raise them. You can care for them. But you cannot babysit them.
A babysitter, by definition, is one who "sits in" for the primary caregiver(s). Both father and mother are primary caregivers. To call a father a babysitter demotes him from being the co-equal partner in raising his children and places him on the same level as the 16-year-old next door who charges $10 an hour. It suggests that Dad's responsibility for his children kicks in only when Mom is not around.
This does not only happen online. You hear it in everyday conversation. Many times when my wife has been out for the evening, someone has asked her, "Is your husband babysitting the kids?" She usually smiles and says, "Yes, he's home with them," because she is polite (she's good like that). But in her head she wants to say, "No, he's not babysitting. He's being their father."
In a general audience given on Feb. 4, 2015, Pope Francis stated, "To be a good father, the first requirement is to be present in the family. To be close to his wife, to share in everything, joy and pain, burdens and hopes. And to be close to the children as they grow: when they play and when they make efforts, when they are carefree and when they are distressed, when they dare and when they are afraid, when they make missteps and when they return to the right path. A father must always be present..."
Dads, you simply cannot clock in and clock out like a sitter paid by the hour. It's not your job to watch the kids when your wife is unavailable or she needs a break. It's your job to work as an equal partner with her to raise them, well, all the time. It's a role that is life-long and ongoing. This is your responsibility. This is also your great joy and privilege. Own it. You are the father, not the babysitter. Don't let any silly YouTube video tell you otherwise.
Matthew Newsome is the father of six and serves as the campus minister for Western Carolina University.