Back in the day (in this case, several years ago when they were still in middle school and high school) I sent my children back to school with a list known simply as their "back-to-school-list." And yes, each year they rolled their sweet little eyes at me, but they got the list nevertheless.
Over the years of doing this, a few teachers found out and asked for copies. I ran across the latest one the other day and it is from 2010. The following items are more or less the gist of it.
1. Find something you like about each of your teachers.
2. Remember that you are stronger than any social situation you may encounter.
3. Say a prayer, no more than five words long, before each class.
4. Do not bark before lunchtime. (You may growl if absolutely necessary).
5. Keep holy the Lord's Day. Guess what? They're are all His!
6. Keep your chin and your GPA up.
7. When speaking with an adult, use the word "like" no more than once per sentence and the phrase "Oh my God" not at all.
8. Eat your cell phone; remember to chew it up good and then swallow it.
9. Laugh at yourself. A lot.
10. Read.
11. Speaking in general terms, most of your teachers under 40 are less knowledgeable than they think they are and most over 40 are more knowledgeable than they think they are. In either case, they are all more knowledgeable than you, so listen up!
12. Never speak in general terms.
13. Don't set anybody on fire and keep you clothes on. (For many years this was a daily instruction before the children left for school. In later years they began responding rather creatively!)
14. Hold your shoulders back...right now!
15. Find the lonely kid, and do the right thing.
16. Remember that it is a child, not a choice, and if anyone tries to tell you that life does not begin at conception, don't listen.
17. Respect somebody.
18. Be corny; it's cooler than you think.
19. Talk more slowly.
20. Read some more.
21. Chase somebody. And when you catch them, tickle them.
22. Remember, it's a great day for the race. Ha, ha, the human race! (Dad's tired old joke)
23. Suck up to your principal. It can't hurt.
24. Don't listen to music that degrades people.
25. Keep in mind that God is not an experience you are having; you are an experience God is having. (courtesy of Rabbi Heschel)
There you have it, succinct and to the point. I'm sure I've left out some important things, but I was always painfully aware that you can't get too serious with kids all at once and that if humor does not play a role they probably won't listen at all.
It dawns on me now that while one of mine is a college sophomore and two are out of college, they all could perhaps use a "transition-to-the-real-world list." The problem is, I'm not sure I have transitioned all that well myself, or that my list, if I had one, would correspond well enough to reality.
Items common on many grown-up lists just get pushed aside in our attention-deficit household. But some things we do look at. We look carefully at how best to love a young person, in school or not, trying to find their own way when sometimes our best intentions are misinterpreted. We try to keep our eyes on folks we happen to know are living way under the poverty line and how best to give what aid we can – and hoping beyond hope that the same concern for others has rubbed off on our children. We look around at extended family and try to discern a role we may play that will promote family unity, or ease a pain, or urge a thimble of hope here and there.
And we do look at the back-to-school list ourselves and see where one or two things might be a wake-up call for us as well, because one thing the list has taught us is that we're all forever heading "back to school" and each day is indeed a great day for the race.
Fred Gallagher is an author, book editor and former addictions counselor. He and his wife Kim are members of St. Patrick Cathedral in Charlotte.