What we think is the right road
Saying you are sorry – even to yourself – is a sign of weakness. We do not need reflection, meditation or prayerful self-examination. Instead, we need decisive action! Sitting around contemplating philosophy accomplishes nothing. What's done is done. Move on!
But it's the wrong road
In Plato's famous dialogue the Apology (meaning an explanation of his life), Plato has Socrates say that the unexamined life is not worth living. If we do not know where we have come from, it is almost impossible to get a fixed bearing on where we are going. If we do not know what has been right and true in our lives, we cannot know what has been (and will be) wrong and false in our lives. There are unreflective and unthinking people, of course. Synonyms for "unthinking" include "inconsiderate," "self-centered," "disrespectful," and "uncharitable." It is, therefore, not hard to make the argument that we want our friends to be reflective and introspective – and that they want to find the same trait in us (cf. Tobit 4:15, Mt 7:12).
Still, it is not easy to confront our mistakes and misjudgments. Too many times we simply don't see the time go by, despite the classic warning of Sirach: "Whatever you do, remember that someday you must die. As long as you keep this in mind, you will never sin" (7:36 GNB).
French composer Charles Aznavour put it this way in his haunting song "I Didn't See the Time Go By":
Now as the wheel of life turns faster
Now as the seasons seem to fly
I see so many things at last, but didn't see the time go by
I've known delight, I've known disaster
The caviar, the humble pie
From the absurd to the sublime
I didn't see the time go by
I didn't see the years roll on
I didn't know the road would bend
Refused to see when youth was gone
Pretending it might never end
Now, there is price to pay for every day I threw away
It seems I've wasted half a lifetime
within the blinking of an eye
I didn't hear the midnight chime
I didn't see the time go by
In stolen nights and brief romances
I kissed the girls and made them cry
While there were balconies left to climb
I didn't see the time go by
I was the one with all the answers,
the halfway-truth, the harmless lie
So sure, so certain, in my prime
I didn't see the time go by
I hit the heights, I bit the dirt
I left some wreckage in my way
I didn't see that lies can hurt
I didn't know that hearts can break
And now, they come to haunt my mind,
the lives I touched and left behind
I've sung a hundred songs of longing,
of sweet regret and hopes run dry
I've searched for melody and rhyme,
but never saw how time can fly,
never saw the darkening sky
I was a minstrel of my time
Who did not see the time go by.
St. Paul teaches that we should "see the time go by," that we should routinely examine our conscience, and that there is a very close connection between confession and Communion (1 Cor 11:28, 31; John 20:23). The Catechism of the Catholic Church puts it succinctly: "In the formation of conscience the Word of God is the light for our path; we must assimilate it in faith and prayer and put it into practice. We must also examine our conscience before the Lord's Cross. We are assisted by the gifts of the Holy Spirit, aided by the witness or advice of others and guided by the authoritative teaching of the Church" (1785).
When we examine our conscience, we do so not on the basis of what has been profitable for us, but on the basis of whether what we have done has been consistent with Christ's will as we know it through the teachings of His Church. We judge ourselves and our actions on the measure, rule, standard or canon of what is true, not what is true for us.
That last two-word prepositional phrase "for us" is at the heart of almost all contemporary moral debate. If there are only "my" standards, then I am merely a "minstrel of my time"; if, though, as a Catholic, I accept Christ's teaching as universally true, then I will pray that His will be done and I try, by the grace of God, to serve as His witness.
The longing expressed in Aznavour's song is but a pale reflection of the yearning in everyone's heart and mind and soul. In German, the word is "Sehnsucht" – a deep craving for something (actually, for Someone) which makes us whole. The psalmist explains this for us in Psalms 63 and 42. The regret, the sorrow, the confusion, the sense of failure in the Aznavour song – all these would have been, and yet still can be, cured by cognizance of and commitment to knowing, loving and serving God. Italy's greatest poet, Dante, told us that "In God's will is our peace."
We are prideful and unreflective people but, with "amazing grace," as another composer (John Newton) told us, we who were blind can now see, and we come to understand that the time which passes is not ours, but His (Ps 90:4, 2 Peter 3:8). We are not minstrels of our day, but singers of eternal joy (cf. Pss 95 and 100) to the God who loved us to His own death.
Deacon James H. Toner serves at Our Lady of Grace Church in Greensboro.