The past few years have hit many of us with the gentle touch of an avalanche. As I have watched my family and many close to me face illness, fear, financial worry, major life changes, loss and depression, a question lurks in the background: “Where is the Lord’s abundance?”
I was struck when reading Luke 5 recently by how much our suffering can blind us to God’s gifts and God’s calling in our lives. In that chapter, Luke tells the story of the calling of Simon Peter. Simon has just arrived at the shore after a disappointing night fishing and begins to wash his nets. There is a large crowd blocking his way home, and this Jesus character suddenly wants to use Simon’s boat as a podium. Then, after his speech, Jesus tells Simon to row the boat out on the lake again to fish, at the wrong time of day.
The fishermen catch such a multitude of fish that the nets begin to rip, and they need the help of another boat; then, both boats nearly sink under their load. Simon and his fellow fishermen James and John were astonished and humbled by this surprising abundance. Jesus obscurely calls them to become “fishers of men,” and they leave everything to follow Him. How inadequate these simple men must have felt in the train of a teacher who quotes Scripture with ease and heals the sick with a word! Everything familiar was taken out of their hands, and yet these tenacious men had exactly the characters necessary to be called into God’s most important work.
Imagine if Simon Peter had said “No” to Jesus’ request to use his boat. It would have been perfectly reasonable under the circumstances. When we are similarly tired and disappointed, it’s easy to reject the gift of presence. We push others away, shrug off offers of help, neglect those dearest to us, and throw our attention into distractions and remote social networks that demand less authenticity. Sometimes Jesus shows up in our low moments in the face of a loved one, and we don’t receive Him well because we feel unworthy of attention or unequal to putting on a pleasant face for them.
Imagine if the fishermen focused so much on the breaking nets and the sinking boats that they couldn’t appreciate the wealth of fish that had been bestowed on them. Often, I have heard mothers murmur, “I’m not sure why God sees fit to trust me with so much!” Sometimes abundance can feel more like a burden than a blessing. Having a vehicle means it can break, having a roof means it can leak, having children means you’ll be patching knees and hearts daily, and having the ability to invest in ministry or business or studies or whatever God is calling you to in this minute means that you will experience the brokenness of this fallen world in the midst of the particular abundance that God has given you. Acceptance and a cool-headed process of humility, curiosity, creativity and discernment before action in these moments is a grace rarely asked for, but it is the crux of true freedom.
Imagine if these straightforward fishermen had refused God’s call because they didn’t have enough information to weigh every pro and con that the Messiah’s request would bring about. We too will never have all the information we need to perfectly protect ourselves in this world. Faith, hope and love are not icing on the cake of control. They are the crux and cross of the Christian calling. We have to make our choices with prudence, but we should also ask how faith, hope, and love figure into our choices.
Often in the lives of the saints, they habitually follow order and prudential behavior, but they reach a moment where Christ asks them to be a fool for Him, to forgo the tidy habits of the mechanized world and step into the riot of beauty in the land of the living. Only He perfectly sees that vision until the New Jerusalem is established, and we must trust His lead in those moments when we feel convicted in the silent dialog of our hearts with Him.
Simon Peter learned that if he focused on broken nets and waterlogged ships, he would not receive fish and the even greater favor of God’s calling. If he feared the storm, he would not walk on water. And if he gave in to the uncertainty of his own betrayal and refused forgiveness in his weakness, he would not accept the keys of the kingdom and the grace to wield them.
No inflation index, virus, social upheaval or personal cross is more powerful than the Providence of God. He just has an odd way of showing His care, and we have to ask to have the eyes to see His Love bursting through our expectations of what ought to be. Because there, at the root of our deepest fear and most personal hurt, is where He is waiting for us with fullness and mission.
Kelly Henson is a Catholic writer and speaker who explores the art of integrating faith into daily life. She and her family are parishioners of Our Lady of Grace Parish in Greensboro. She blogs at www.kellyjhenson.com.