If you are like me, there are many nights when it can be very difficult to fall asleep. At least once a week or maybe even once a day, we may find ourselves in the midst of panic mode. You know that feeling: the rise of tension, the prickling on the neck, the deep breathing to try to calm ourselves, the churning of the stomach.
Of course, we all feel this way occasionally, and sometimes it is merited when related to our basic instinct for survival. But what if we experience panic, anxiety and stress on an ongoing basis, day after day, week after week? If our minds can’t get past something, then we may very well be in a wrestling match – a wrestling match not as much with ourselves as with God.
I was recently reading in Exodus 4 where Moses had just received his instructions from God on Mount Sinai to go to Egypt to deliver His chosen people. When Moses leaves Midian and begins the journey with his family back to Egypt to fulfill God’s calling, he suddenly meets God. “At the lodging place on the way the Lord met him and sought to kill him” (Ex 4:24). It was only after quick thinking from Moses’ wife, Zipporah, who circumcised her son’s foreskin and laid it at Moses’ feet, that God “let him alone” (Ex 4:26). Why did this happen, especially when Moses was already on the way back to Egypt as God had instructed?
When Moses left Mount Sinai, his mind must have been in a fog. An incredible task lay in front of him of which must have incited incredible trepidation, Moses being only human. He told God repeatedly, “Oh my Lord, I am not eloquent either heretofore or since you have spoken to your servant” (Ex 4:10). He even admits in Exodus 3:13 that, “I do not even know you well myself.” He persists time and again that he is not the one for this task: “Who am I that I should go to Pharaoh and bring the sons of Israel out of Egypt?” (Ex 3:11) As we can see, the wrestling match between God and Moses began early.
This also might remind us of a similar Bible story: Jacob wrestling with God as he is fleeing from his father-in-law Laban and fearful about running into his brother Esau. “And Jacob was left alone; and a man wrestled with him until the break of day” (Ex 32).
I found the Scripture passages about Moses and Jacob to be so perplexing. Here both men are in psychological, as well as physical struggle, trying ultimately to do God’s will. They were both set on their present path by God and were trying, though harboring fear, to take action, to put faith into practice. Yet out of the blue God Himself comes down to physically wrestle with them.
If I were Moses, I would feel like saying, “Lord, do you want me to do this or not?” Or if I were Jacob, “Aren’t I dealing with enough right now?” But look what happens directly after both instances. Zipporah circumcised her son and laid his circumcised flesh upon Moses as if to prove, “Wait, God! We are all in. We pledge ourselves to you.”
Likewise, Jacob reestablishes his relationship with his brother and pledges his love and support back to his estranged family. Both of these struggles remind us that we must realign ourselves with God, veer away from ourselves and our selfish wants and refocus on God’s plan.
As I began to look even closer and ponder these parallels in Scripture further, I found even more wrestling matches with God mentioned throughout the Bible. Think about the familiar Biblical stories of Jonah and the whale, Peter walking to Jesus on the water, Joseph’s struggle with finding out Mary was already with child, Paul blinded on the road to Damascus, the trials of Job, Abraham being asked to sacrifice Isaac, Daniel in the lion’s den, the prodigal son, and doubting Thomas, to name a few.
Each time the person was pulled from their doubts and uncertainties back to God. It is akin to Jesus asking Peter three times, “Do you love me?” (Jn 21) Jesus asks us: Am I the center or the afterthought? Is my path your central focus or just a sideline from what you ultimately want to accomplish for yourself?
The better question for ourselves might be: How can we change our perspective or our trajectory to put God at the center?
First, we must identify the point of struggle. What is giving us anxiety? What do we keep reaching for that has always been just out of reach, but attainable if we push really hard? What path leads us away from our family or keeps us away from church? When we find the culprit, we suddenly realize we are standing right in the wrestling ring with it. So let’s muster strength and throw it out of the ring altogether.
Ask God to take this burden from you. You might find yourself calling your boss and saying, “You know, I think I need to put this thing down right now,” or clearing something off your agenda, or putting a dream in God’s hands to open the door when it is His time, not yours.
The sense of weightlessness from taking that first step is a foretaste of heaven. You did it! You overthrew your opponent, which in many cases is Satan himself. Now it is time to tell God you are all in: “No more wrestling matches, God, I am ready to humbly follow you.”
Satan and his adversaries know us far too well, so temptations may arise again – trying to pull us back into the wrestling ring. Luckily for us, God will always be there. Ask Him today to go before you as a pillar of cloud by day and as fire by night. And know, above all, how much He loves you!
April Parker is a teacher at St. Pius X School and a member of St. Pius X Parish in Greensboro.