Every night, as part of compline in the Byzantine rite, we pray for those who hate us and those who love us.
I find that it's easy to pray for those who love me, although because the list is so short it's extremely humbling. Extending the list by praying for friends, family members, and those who have been kind to me at least gives me more than a few for whom to pray.
Praying for those who hate me, however, is another matter.
You may think that no one actually hates you, but if you examine your life carefully you will find, as I have, that there are plenty of persons out there with reason to feel animosity and hostility toward you, who may detest you, or who at the very least dislike you, perhaps intensely.
I divide the camp of those who hate me into two. One consists of those who have reason to hate me because I truly have caused them harm in some way. The other consists of those who hate me wrongly and who, as a result, actually have harmed me in some way.
As with those who love me, it's relatively easy – although often painful – to pray for those who have reason to hate me. This list of persons is very long. The length is disheartening, and the reasons for the hatred of these persons painful.
Without even giving much thought to it, I could list at least 50 persons I believe I've harmed in my life, with most on this list from my 20s to 40s, and this would merely be a start. Angry outbursts, arguments, selfishness on my part, unkind words are the least of my sins against these persons.
I pray for God's forgiveness and pray that they have forgiven my sin or offense, even if they do not specifically remember me or it.
Praying for those who hate me wrongly, however, is far more difficult and truly a struggle. When I was an English professor, my very existence caused some to be hostile toward me. This was especially true of students.
I began teaching in the 1980s and taught my last class about five years ago. Something changed in the 1990s. During that decade I began to encounter a greater number of students who believed that they deserved an "A" just because they came to class and turned in work, regardless of the quality of their work and whether or not they had actually done the work. If you challenged them, some became angry, some hostile, and others vindictive. Over the years this became more prevalent.
Students weren't the only problem. Some professors were so eager to be liked by students that they did all the could to denigrate and disparage colleagues.
Some days I have to pray intensely to quell the anger I feel toward these students and professors. I do this by recalling my own sins against others, seeking to remove the plank in my eye rather than complaining of the splinter in theirs. I remind myself that while I might be wrongly hated by some, plenty of others in the world have cause to hate me.
The Lord instructs: "Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you" (Mt 5:44). The apostles clearly had enemies who sought to persecute them, and this may be true for some of us as Christians. Each of us, however, does have someone who dislikes us, or hates us. They are, in that sense, our enemies.
Silouan the Athonite, the great Russian-born monk and Orthodox saint, wrote: "The soul cannot know peace unless she prays for her enemies. The soul that has learned of God's grace to pray, feels love and compassion for every living thing, and in particular for mankind, for whom the Lord suffered on the Cross, and His soul was heavy for every one of us."
I believe that this extends to those who hate or dislike us. And so, with the help of God's grace, we must pray for them. Better, though, if our prayer leads to our loving them. As St. Silouan wrote: "If you pray for your enemies, peace will come to you, but when you can love your enemies – know that a great measure of the grace of God dwells in you, though I do not say perfect grace as yet, but sufficient for salvation."
Father Deacon Kevin Bezner serves at St. Basil the Great Ukrainian Catholic Mission in Charlotte. This commentary was originally published on the blog www.thechristianreview.com.
Be honest with yourself: how many times have you attended a pity party, table for one? Have you whined and dined on what God wasn't doing in your life? Your prayers weren't answered and everything that could go wrong has gone wrong? Perhaps you suffer from grief over the death of a loved one. Perhaps your employer downsized, leaving you financially hopeless.
Perhaps you are in agonizing pain, cringing with every breath. These are just a few of life's many obstacles, the crosses we must bear.
We have three choices. First, we can walk away from our faith, refusing to go one more step, blaming God for all the evil that plagues us. Second, we can embrace our faith by continuing to be steadfast in prayer, asking for God's guidance, pardon, and if it be His Will, to take away our cross. Third, we can go through the motions of going to Mass but our faith is lukewarm and nearly lifeless.
The saints can give us inspiration for overcoming the ugliness of life. Knowing how they struggled with similar calamities, how they ran the race and won, gives us hope to persevere in our faith. As St. Paul writes in 2 Tim 4:7-8: "I have competed well; I have finished the race; I have kept the faith. From now on the crown of righteousness awaits me, which the Lord, the just judge, will award to me on that day, and not only to me, but to all who have longed for His appearance."
The Bible also has much wisdom for us, if we look for it. The verses that really help me with my struggles are found in 2 Cor 11:23-28, where St. Paul jots down his hardships. "Are they ministers of Christ? (I am talking like an insane person.) I am still more, with far greater labors, far more imprisonments, far worse beatings, and numerous brushes with death. Five times at the hands of the Jews I received forty lashes minus one. Three times I was beaten with rods, once I was stoned, three times I was shipwrecked, I passed a night and a day on the deep; on frequent journeys, in dangers from rivers, dangers from robbers, dangers from my own race, dangers from Gentiles, dangers in the city, dangers in the wilderness, dangers at sea, dangers among false brothers; in toil and hardship, through many sleepless nights, through hunger and thirst, through frequent fastings, through cold and exposure. And apart from these things, there is the daily pressure upon me of my anxiety for all the churches."
Paul, once a persecutor of the Church, aiding and abetting the stoning of the first martyr, St. Stephen (Acts 7:54-60) turned protector of our faith.
My problems are miniscule compared to what St. Paul endured, and he kept on going like the Energizer Bunny. We all need our batteries recharged from time to time. Let the Holy Spirit into your heart and you'll be dancing to a new tune.
St. Peter, our first pope, preached Jesus crucified on the Day of Pentecost, the Book of Acts tells us, and 3,000 souls were added to the Church on that day. If St. Peter didn't persevere and protect our faith, would Christ's Church be standing? Peter could have walked away, but he did not deny God's will for him. 1 Peter 1:3-9, "Blessed be the God and Father of Our Lord Jesus Christ, who in His great mercy gave us a new birth to a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, to an inheritance that is imperishable, undefiled, and unfading, kept in Heaven for you who by the power of God are safeguarded through faith, to a salvation that is ready to be revealed in the final time. In this you rejoice, although now for a little while you may have to suffer through various trials, so that the genuineness of your faith, more precious than gold that is perishable even though tested by fire, may prove to be for praise, glory, and honor at the revelation of Jesus Christ. Although you have not seen Him you love Him; even though you do not see Him now yet believe in Him, you rejoice with an indescribable and glorious joy, as you attain the goal of (your) faith, the salvation of your souls."
The next time my faith starts to weaken, battered by the waves of despair, I'll also ponder on what Jesus said in Matthew 11:28-30: "Come to me, all you who labor and are burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am meek and humble of heart; and you will find rest for yourselves. For my yoke is easy, and my burden light."
Barbara Case Speers is a writer who lives in Hickory.