During a recent homily, our parish’s deacon said this is a time in the history of the Church when many of us will be faced with the question: Do we stay or do we go? His homily was a penetrating look at the shame of sexual abuse and cover-up in the Church. It was the most direct acknowledgement of sex abuse I had ever heard during Mass in my 30-plus years as a Catholic – a plea for discussion, engagement and ultimately forgiveness for decades of sexual abuse and cover-ups within the Church. On behalf of all the ordained, he asked, forgive us this betrayal of trust.
Hearing this from the pulpit of my own church felt like a punch to the gut. It made the scandal more real than reading the newspaper articles or hearing about it on TV.
So when he asked for forgiveness, I have to say I’m not ready to give it.
How can we forgive when the highest ranks of the Church knew about these problems and let them persist? How can we forgive without knowing whether the appeal for forgiveness is genuine, and whether the Church will really take responsibility for this huge trespass? How can we entrust our children to this institution when leaders have been promising to clean things up for decades? How can we move on?
Our only way forward will be for us parishioners and parents to know the Church is serious about making things right, that there will be transparency. We entrust these men with our souls and come to them in the most vulnerable moments of our lives. They must be held to the highest standard. They have been given positions of great power and access and we need to ensure they are worthy of our trust. Anything less, and doubts will continue to fester in our souls and the light that the Church should be in our lives will be forever dimmed, if not extinguished altogether.
In his homily, the deacon said someone had asked, “Where is God in all of this?” The answer was, “God is in the purging.” If God is in the purging, then may all of us demand the purge. Demand that we hold the leadership of the Church and our local priests accountable. That those who have been part of this scandal – either as culprits, enablers, or those who covered up for others – speak out and accept the consequences. If they love the Church that they pledged their lives to, may they sacrifice their own security to allow the Church to live on.
We also need to ask questions of our parish leaders. How are we ensuring this doesn’t happen in our own parishes and schools? What safety measures are in place? Until we can see a time where this is not a sickness of our Church, it may be time to restrict priests from having access to our children. It makes me so sad to say these things, but trust has been broken. It needs to be built back from scratch.
I am not ready to forgive, but I am ready to witness. May the purge be thorough, comprehensive and final. Only then can we start the process of healing and forgiveness. And perhaps, and only then, can a new era of confidence and trust in the Church begin.
Erika Lopez lives in Charlotte.