With the recent U.S. Supreme Court decision that has changed the practice of abortion in this country, I have great empathy for people on both sides of the debate – because I have lived on both sides. I got pregnant when I was 18, a sophomore at a Charlotte-area college. There were no plans to marry my boyfriend, and my widowed mother was under enough stress just putting me through school. I’ll never forget the panic I felt. I just couldn’t imagine how I could possibly raise a child at that time in my life.
The nurse at my college health clinic offered little help. When I told her I was thinking about termination, she did not discuss options or resources that might help me imagine another path. She simply said: “Look up abortion in the yellow pages.” This was 1992.
While the procedure was a dreadful experience, I felt immediate relief. The morning sickness was gone, and I could resume my normal life at college with the future I dreamed of. In my zeal, I happily became “pro-choice,” because I was proof that women needed the option of abortion for self-determination.
Fast forward a few years. At 25, I seemed to have it all: A marketing career on the rise, a man I would soon marry, and an uptown Charlotte condo where we frequently entertained. Yet something was wrong.
I had a knot in my stomach. I felt great regret and profound sadness. Some say post-abortion syndrome isn’t real, but I beg to differ. Finally, my feelings came to a head when I found myself sobbing on my bathroom floor. That’s when I realized that I hadn’t really “chosen” abortion – I did it because I felt I had no choice.
Over the years, I’ve heard countless women share similar stories: “I had no choice.” I eventually found healing through Rachel’s Vineyard, a ministry offered by Catholic Charities, and went on to dedicate my career to helping women like me. I wanted to help them see there are resources that open paths: Adoption. Counseling. Housing. An array of services to accompany and help women welcome and care for a child.
My work led me to MiraVia, a Catholic pregnancy support program in Charlotte that has served more than 10,000 women and children since 1994. Its Outreach Program brings women together to learn important life skills and share experiences, and also provides food, clothes, diapers and supplies such as cribs, car seats and strollers.
MiraVia also offers an innovative residential program just for college students, which has served women from nine states attending 12 different colleges. Located at Belmont Abbey College, it’s a place where women of any faith (or none) can live and receive support during their pregnancy and for up to two years with their child.
As these young mothers pursue their education, MiraVia provides free room and board, childcare, counseling and more. Participants leave with lifelong friends and a college credential putting them on course toward a bright future.
MiraVia is only one resource to help women choose life. There are so many more – for pregnant women who are homeless, or victims of sexual assault or domestic violence, facing poor prenatal diagnoses, or who simply feel unprepared. If only I had found one of these lifelines, I might have seen a different path when I was 18.
I went back to my college, and visit many others, to share my experience and educate the health clinic staff about resources. And while I know the Supreme Court decision certainly won’t end the abortion debate, I pray for the sake of young and vulnerable women that we can agree on one thing: women facing unplanned or difficult pregnancies deserve to know there are meaningful resources beyond abortion available to help them.
Debbie Capen is executive director of MiraVia, a Catholic nonprofit providing pregnancy support services in the greater Charlotte area. This commentary is adapted from one published in The Charlotte Observer on May 23.