Over many Easter holidays, I have had the great joy of being reunited with my family out of town. With five kids grown and out of the house and five still at home, it's amazing how beautiful and precious little things like Legos scattered around the house or tennis shoes lying in the hallway can become when they belong to younger brothers and sisters.
As the oldest I certainly used to help divvy out the candy stash. Now on these visits I go into the pantry to get some sweets, just to find that little "mice" have discovered it first and neatly put the container back in its place – empty. I can only shake my head and grin.
At night I easily give into the temptation to extend bedtime by fooling around with the younger boys or sit up talking with the older kids – to the point where Mom comes in to see where all the laughter and noise is coming from. After proven guilty, I sleepily, but happily go to my own bed, thankful for such joys in life.
Maybe because I am now an adult or perhaps because I don't get to see my family very often due to distance, I have grown to appreciate the beauties of family life even more than I did before. I love to watch families, to observe the love and sacrifice that mothers and fathers pour into their marriage and into the lives of their children. It inspires me and warms my heart.
Even the frustrations and challenges within family life encourage me and bolster my patience with life in general. If family members can pull together in spite of each others' quirks, faults and even major mistakes, isn't that a cause for hope?
My parents' sacrifices and generosity have been the impetus behind my own desire to give myself wholeheartedly to God's will. There are often times when selfishness, fear or fatigue weigh me down and tempt me to give up, give in and bow out. However, then I look at Mom and Dad; raising 10 children they daily found themselves climbing Calvary, embracing the Cross and dying to self. No one is perfect and, of course, they made mistakes as everyone does, but they persevered. With their witness before me, I bring my "pity party" to a quick close and find the inspiration to try again.
That is the way it should be. Within the home, children learn sacrifice. Yes, it hurts and there are many sacrifices to make in communal living. However, just as Good Friday eventually rolled into Holy Saturday which turned into Easter Sunday, the joys of a family's sacrificial love are abundant and fruitful!
Our beloved St. John Paul II canonized many lay men and women so that families in the world could find inspiration and encouragement to pursue heroic virtue and holiness of life. One of these, whose feast we celebrate on April 28 and who with St. John Paul II is co-patron of this month's World Meeting of Families, was St. Gianna Molla, a wife, mother and physician. She chose to sacrifice her own life in a serious medical situation instead of aborting her unborn baby. Her mother's heart and love nurtured that child with every ounce of her being and ultimately with her very life.
However, she was not alone in that difficult decision. No, she and her husband Pietro discussed this together, doubt-less shedding many tears over the heavy cross that had been presented before them and laid upon their shoulders. Together they chose to turn their marriage over to God in a radical way, thus giving their children and the world a heroic example of Christian family life.
Their daughter Gianna Emanuela was born on Holy Saturday, 1962. One week later the brave mother died, leaving Pietro a widower and father of four young children.
Gianna had offered her life in a heroic and selfless way for her daughter. Pietro completed the sacrifice by experiencing the loneliness of his loss for 48 years and by lovingly and selflessly raising and nurturing his children.
The Molla family is one concrete and contemporary example of how the family is called to reflect the love of the Trinity and the sacrificial love of Christ for His Bride, the Church. However, Gianna and Pietro's decision was not an isolated judgment made during that final pregnancy. Instead, it was a choice they could make because they had built their marriage and family life on the firm foundation of their Catholic faith.
St. Gianna once wrote in a letter to her husband, "With God's help and blessing, we will do all we can to make our new family a little cenacle where Jesus will reign over all our affections, desires, and actions... We will be working with God in His creation; in this way, we can give Him children who will love and serve Him."
Every family is unique in how they feel called to raise their children, but every single family must keep the faith at the heart of their home.
Sister Mary Raphael, DVM, is a member of the Daughters of the Virgin Mother, a community dedicated to serving the spiritual and practical needs of the priesthood and of seminarians in the Diocese of Charlotte.
What we think is the right road
Dynamic leaders do not need advisors. Imaginative, decisive and resolute people forge ahead, uninterested in the timid consultation of worried counselors. To solve problems requires action, not conferences; to make progress requires bold new ideas, not the long-winded debate and weak-kneed approval of trembling bureaucrats sitting around a table, waiting for "consensus."
But it's the wrong road
Well, it's harder to find a more anti-intellectual, anti-historical, anti-philosophical position.
St. Thomas Aquinas told us, "Whatever is received is received according to the mode of the receiver." One is thus reminded of this line from Proverbs: "Stupid people have no respect for wisdom and refuse to learn" (1:7b GNB), and "Stupid people always think they are right. Wise people listen to advice" (12:15 GNB). Moreover: "If you listen to advice and are willing to learn, one day you will be wise" (19:20) and "You must make careful plans before you fight a battle, and the more good advice you get, the more likely you are to win" (24:6).
The last quotation has it, I think, exactly right in pointing out that we all need "good advice." Good advice, however, requires a good advisor. Ahitophel and Hushai are not widely known names from the Old Testament, but they have much to teach us. Ahitophel was an advisor to Absalom, who was rebelling against King David. When Absalom asked Ahitophel for his advice about which military strategy to use, Ahitophel gave sound counsel but, by divine intervention, Absalom ignored it and listened instead to the bad advice of Hushai, who was secretly working for David (see 2 Sam 17). Before long, Absalom was dead. As for Ahitophel, he hanged himself. (Some see Ahitophel as a type or figure of Judas.)
The importance of good advisors can hardly be exaggerated, whether we are discussing military science, international diplomacy, business ventures or sports management. Some years ago, I knew a distinguished retired Air Force general who knew what he did not know – that is, he recognized that he needed help in certain areas. He developed a regular panel of trusted, experienced and well-read counselors whom he could consult before he staked out positions on various matters.
Should we Catholics do any less? We know the Seven Gifts of the Holy Spirit: wisdom, understanding, counsel, fortitude, knowledge, piety and fear of the Lord. These gifts "make the faithful docile in readily obeying divine inspirations" (Catechism of the Catholic Church 1831). There is the key clue to finding good advisors: Such people are above all concerned with doing the right thing, in the right way, at the right time, for the right reason and – more – they are concerned that others will act in the same manner.
"Take the advice of sensible people," we read in Tobit, "and never treat any useful advice lightly" (4:18). We might remember that what we receive from God is His gift to us; what we do with that gift, how we use it and how we develop it, is our gift to God. We know there are different talents, and some may not use wisely and well the gifts they have received. Physical strength, for example, requires cultivation: we have to work out to develop that strength. The same is true for the spiritual gifts we have received: we must practice the faith and learn it more deeply.
If we have "good advisors" in our preachers, our confessors and our spiritual directors, we are richly blessed. We should seek out, not just "effective," but also truly holy confessors. St. John Vianney and Padre Pio are no longer available, but there are, thank God, many devout counselors to whom we can turn for direction.
The same Book of Proverbs which bluntly tells us not to be stupid and, therefore, to find good advice and wise counselors, is equally resolute in telling us, "Never rely on what you think you know." Rather, we are to "trust in the Lord with all your heart" (Prv 3:5; cf. Ps 111:10).
We sensibly seek wise counsel in our medical, legal and financial matters. We often look for help when we have electrical or plumbing or mechanical questions. We look for advice about our golf or chess or cribbage games. Should we not make it a priority to get the best spiritual teaching and preaching, the wisest spiritual direction and counseling, and the most inspirational confessor we can find?
But something is still missing. We need more than a good and holy counselor to grow in holiness. Good advice is wasted on the imprudent person. "Imprudent" means "unwise and lacking in care or foresight." So to choose good counselors, I must be wise; but to be wise, I must have good counselors!
But we are not alone in this. We are not without moral and intellectual foundation. Through our baptism, we are brought into the Body of Christ, and, as St. Leo the Great emphatically told us, we should, "Never forget that you have been rescued from the power of darkness and brought into the light of the kingdom of God." In the Church's teaching we find the truth – which is perfect advice that when we humbly accept it and devoutly practice it, sets us free (see CCC 890). The Holy Spirit is the "Paraclete" because, as Scott Hahn and Curtis Mitch have pointed out, he is our Heavenly intercessor/advocate who "pleads to the Father for believers still struggling on earth." The Holy Spirit, then, is the first, the best and most powerful advisor.
Deacon James H. Toner serves at Our Lady of Grace Church in Greensboro.